Why
People Shouldn't Watch Too Much Television
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Watching
television is an experience shared by most adults and children. It is
cheap, appealing, and within the reach of the general public. In this way,
TV has become an important mass media around the world. Sadly, this
resource isn’t used in a way that people could get the best possible
benefits from it. The purpose of this essay is to persuade the reader that
people shouldn’t watch too much television because the content of many TV
programs is not educational; it makes people waste time that could be used
in more beneficial activities; and it negatively affects people’s mental
development.
The first reason
why people shouldn’t watch too much television is because the content of
many TV programs is not educational. Nowadays, we can see movies, series,
and shows that present scenes of violence, sex, and drugs. This has
established wrong concepts among the audience that influence them into
having a negative behavior. Moreover, the impact this tendency has on
children is worse because they grow up with the idea of a world where women
must be slender and blonde to stand out, where problems can only be solved
with money and violence, and where wars are inevitable.
The second reason
why people shouldn’t watch too much television is because it makes people
waste time that could be used in more beneficial activities. The time we
spend watching TV could be applied to useful activities like exercise,
reading, interacting with friends and family, activities that are a crucial
for a healthy lifestyle.
The third reason
why people shouldn’t watch too much television is because it negatively
affects people’s mental development. According to several scientific
studies, watching TV for prolonged periods of time has a negative effect
over the intellectual development of children and leads to deterioration of
the mental capacity in older people by causing both attention and memory
problems in the long term.
In conclusion,
people shouldn’t watch too much television because the content of many TV
programs is not educational; it makes people waste time that could be used
in more beneficial activities; and it affects people’s mental development.
However, this doesn’t mean that we should ban TV, but if we are going to
watch it, we should do it with moderation. Television is a resource that we
should learn to use through the right selection of programs by taking an
active and critical attitude towards it.
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Grade:
Paragraph Structure:
4
Overall the writer was
consistent with their ideas. I would suggest better transition sentences. The
writer needs to tie their ideas together more coherently.
Unity: 5
The paper flow well. The writer
focuses on his major theme throughout the essay. Their facts related to the
theme of the paper.
Coherence: 3
Logical Bridge-The writer
transitioned his sentences well but could have been more distinct and could
have used stronger transitions.
-Verbal
Bridge: The writer repeats words a lot. Could have used more colorful word
choice.
Supporting Details: 4
The writer backed up their
details after making statements. They did not have any sources but the essay
did not require any.
Grammar: 3
The writing
was conversational. The writer lacked description. They should avoid vague
words such as “it” and “this.” Contractions should have been avoided and the
writer should have spelt out the word television
instead of using its initials.
GRADE: 19/25-76 -C
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